Strap On Guide

That initial glimpse of a strap-on likely sparked a whole mix of curiosity. Intrigue, a bit of uncertainty, or a blend of both are all perfect starting points. If you're here—perhaps a lesbian looking to broaden your intimate toolkit, a bisexual woman curious about new dynamics, or anyone captivated by the idea of giving or receiving with a prosthetic—you're standing at the threshold of a fantastic exploration.

Think of a strap-on not merely as an accessory, but as a key. It unlocks fresh sensations, shifts in power, and profound avenues for connection with a partner. This experience can make you feel commanding, exposed, intimately sexy, or all these things in a single moment. And forget any narrow portrayals you might have seen; this is a world meant for all sorts of couples and every kind of play.

Consider this your welcoming guide to selecting, enjoying, and embracing everything strap-ons have to offer. After all, with a little know-how, you’ll find the adventure itself is where the real pleasure lies.

What is a Strap-On?

A strap-on is essentially a wearable dildo system that allows someone to penetrate their partner hands-free. Think of it as your body's extension – a prosthetic phallus that can provide pleasure for both the giver and receiver. The basic setup includes a harness (the "straps") and a dildo (the "on"), though modern variations have evolved far beyond this simple formula.

The beauty of strap-ons lies in their versatility. They come in every size, shape, and configuration imaginable. You've got your classic two-strap harnesses that look like underwear with cutouts, your boxer-brief styles for a more masculine presentation, your lingerie-style harnesses that double as sexy underwear, and even strapless strap-ons that work through pelvic floor muscles. The dildos themselves range from hyper-realistic silicone cocks to abstract curved designs specifically for G-spot stimulation.

Debunking Common Myths

Myth 1: "Strap-ons are only for dominant lesbians"
Nope! People of all genders and orientations enjoy strap-on play. Some straight couples use them for pegging, bisexual women might use them with male partners, and trans folks might use them as gender-affirming tools. Your sexual orientation doesn't determine your toy preferences.

Myth 2: "The wearer doesn't get any pleasure"
While it's true that traditional harnesses don't provide direct stimulation, many wearers report psychological arousal from the visual and physical experience. Plus, modern designs include options like double-ended dildos, vibrating bases, and even insertable portions for the wearer. Some people orgasm just from the grinding motion!

Myth 3: "You need to be experienced to use one"
Absolutely false! Everyone starts somewhere, and strap-ons are actually pretty beginner-friendly. Much like First Time Lesbian Sex, it's more about communication and enthusiasm than technical expertise. Start small, go slow, and laugh at the inevitable awkward moments.

Myth 4: "Bigger is always better"
The adult industry has done us dirty on this one. In reality, most people prefer average-sized dildos (5-7 inches) for regular play. Oversized toys can be uncomfortable, difficult to maneuver, and honestly? Sometimes they're just too much work. It's better to start modest and work up if desired.

Why People Love Strap-Ons

The motivations for exploring strap-on play are as diverse as the people who enjoy them. Let's explore some of the most common reasons folks fall in love with this versatile toy.

Power Play and Role Reversal
For many, especially those exploring Understanding Femdom dynamics, strap-ons represent a thrilling shift in traditional power structures. They also open doors to Gender Play scenarios where partners can explore different gender expressions. Jamie and Alex, a couple who tried strap-ons after Alex's top surgery, shared: "The first time I strapped up post-surgery, I felt this rush of gender euphoria I'd never experienced before. Suddenly I understood what my male partners had been feeling all along – this combination of control and responsibility that was incredibly affirming."

Expanded Physical Possibilities
Strap-ons extend your body's capabilities in ways that can be mind-blowing. They never lose their erection, they can be any size you want, and they allow for positions that might be physically impossible otherwise. Want to try Standing Sex Positions without worrying about height differences? Strap-on. Want to experience double penetration with just two people? Certain strap-on designs make this possible.

Gender Expression and Affirmation
For many trans and non-binary folks, strap-ons serve as gender-affirming tools. They can help alleviate dysphoria during sex or simply provide a way to express different aspects of gender identity through Packing or other forms of gender play. Even cis women often report feeling more masculine or dominant when wearing one, adding another dimension to their sexual expression.

Overcoming Physical Limitations
Sometimes our bodies don't cooperate the way we want. Whether dealing with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or simply wanting to continue after orgasm, strap-ons provide reliable performance. They're also fantastic for couples dealing with physical disabilities or chronic pain that might make certain positions difficult.

The Psychological Thrill
Never underestimate the power of the mind in sexual pleasure. Many people report that the visual of their partner wearing a strap-on is incredibly erotic. The taboo nature, the novelty, the sheer naughtiness of it all can be a huge turn-on. As one Reddit user in r/actuallesbians put it: "It's not just about the penetration – it's about seeing my girlfriend look so confident and sexy, knowing she's about to fuck me. That mental image alone gets me halfway there."

Getting Started

Taking your first steps into strap-on territory doesn't have to be intimidating. Let's break it down into manageable pieces, starting with the most important element: communication.

Real-Life Scenario: The First Conversation

Here's how Alex and Sam brought it up: They were cuddling after sex when Alex said, "You know how we were laughing about that ridiculous scene in 'The L Word'? Well, it got me thinking... I've been curious about trying a strap-on. No pressure at all – just wondering how you'd feel about exploring that together someday?" Sam's response? "Honestly? I've been thinking about it too but didn't know how to bring it up." They spent the next hour giggling over online shopping, setting boundaries, and planning their first adventure.

The Pre-Game Conversation

Bringing up strap-ons with a partner can feel vulnerable, but it doesn't have to be awkward. Try something like: "Hey, I've been thinking about trying something new in the bedroom. I've been curious about strap-ons – how would you feel about exploring that together?" Notice how this frames it as a shared adventure rather than a demand or expectation.

If you're nervous, start broader: "What are your thoughts on toys during sex?" This opens the door to discuss all kinds of Sex Toys for Couples before zeroing in on strap-ons specifically. Pay attention to your partner's reactions – excitement, curiosity, hesitation are all valid responses that deserve discussion.

Choosing Your First Setup

For beginners, I recommend starting with:

• A simple two-strap harness (adjustable and versatile)
• A small-to-medium silicone dildo (6 inches max, 1.25-1.5 inches diameter)
• Water-based lube (safe for all materials)

Traditional Harnesses vs. Strapless Options
Traditional harnesses offer stability and control – perfect for beginners or those who want to focus on their partner's pleasure. They're adjustable, secure, and work with any body type. Prices range from $30 basic models to $200+ for premium leather.

Strapless strap-ons (like the Feeldoe) require strong pelvic floor muscles and more practice. Taylor, who uses a strapless strap-on due to hip mobility issues, explains: "I love that I can feel every movement, but it took months of Kegel Exercises to keep it in place. Now it's incredible – I can actually orgasm from wearing it." These work best for people with strong pelvic floors who want mutual stimulation.

Budget-Friendly Shopping
Don't break the bank on your first setup! Try:

• Lovehoney: Great beginner bundles under $60
• PinkCherry: Frequent sales on quality brands
• Local feminist sex shops: Often have knowledgeable staff and starter kits
• SheVibe: Excellent customer service and beginner guides

Skip the fancy features for now – no need for vibration, rotation, or alien textures on your first go. You want something comfortable, unintimidating, and easy to clean. Brands like SpareParts, Aslan Leather, and Tantus make excellent beginner-friendly options.

Shopping Together Makes It Better

Turn shopping into foreplay! Browse online stores together, giggling at the ridiculous 12-inch options and discussing what appeals to you. Many couples find this process incredibly bonding. You're literally designing your shared sexual experience from scratch. Pro tip: read reviews together, especially ones from other queer women in r/SexToys who give real talk about what works and what doesn't.

Preparing for Play

Before your first time, do a solo dress rehearsal. Put on the harness, adjust the straps, practice thrusting movements. Yes, you'll feel silly thrusting into air – that's normal! This helps you get comfortable with the mechanics before adding another person to the mix.

Set realistic expectations for your first time. Much like First Time Lesbian Sex, it'll probably be more comedy than erotic masterpiece. There might be fumbling, adjusting, maybe even laughing at the absurdity of it all. This is good! Sex should be fun, not a performance.

Safety & Hygiene

Before you dive into the fun stuff, let's talk about keeping your play safe and your toys clean. This isn't the sexiest topic, but it's absolutely crucial for long-term enjoyment.

Material Safety Matters

Always choose Body-Safe Materials for your dildos:

• Medical-grade silicone: Non-porous, boilable, and hypoallergenic
• Avoid: Jelly rubber, PVC, or anything with "mystery" materials – these are porous and can harbor bacteria
• Glass or stainless steel: Great for temperature play and easy to sterilize

Cleaning Protocols

After Every Use:

• Wash with warm water and mild, unscented soap
• Silicone dildos can be boiled for 3-5 minutes for deep cleaning
• Leather harnesses: Wipe with damp cloth, condition regularly
• Fabric harnesses: Machine wash cold, air dry

Between Partners:

• Use condoms on dildos when switching between partners or orifices
• This prevents STI transmission and makes cleanup easier
• Change condoms between anal and vaginal use

Regular Maintenance

Check your equipment regularly for:

• Tears in silicone (time to replace)
• Cracks in harness leather (can be repaired)
• Loose stitches or worn elastic
• Discoloration or odd smells (replace immediately)

Store silicone toys separately – they can react with each other and become damaged. A simple cotton bag or sock works perfectly.

Tips & Techniques

Now for the good stuff – how to actually make this feel amazing for everyone involved. These techniques come from real people who've been there, done that, and want to share their hard-won wisdom.

Finding the Right Fit

The perfect harness adjustment is crucial. You want it tight enough to stay put during vigorous activity but not so tight it cuts off circulation. A good rule of thumb: you should be able to slip two fingers between the straps and your skin. The dildo base should sit right over your pubic bone – too high and you'll lose leverage, too low and it'll sag.

Different body types require different approaches. Plus-size wearers might prefer boxer-brief styles with wider straps for comfort. Petite folks might need to shop in the youth section for harnesses that adjust small enough. Athletic builds often love jock-strap styles that show off the booty. There's no one-size-fits-all solution, and that's okay!

Mastering the Thrust

Here's where things get interesting. Unlike organic penises, strap-ons have no nerve endings, so you need to develop a feel for what you're doing through your partner's responses. Start with shallow, gentle movements and pay close attention to their breathing, sounds, and body language.

Try the "come hither" motion – instead of straight in-and-out, angle upward slightly and curve your pelvis on the withdrawal. This hits the G-spot more effectively. Experiment with rhythm: some people love a steady pace, others prefer variety. When in doubt, match your partner's hip movements – if they're pushing back, give them more; if they're holding still, slow down.

Strap-On-Specific Break Strategies

When thrusting fatigue sets in, try these strap-specific solutions:

• Switch to grinding motions with the harness base pressing against your partner
• Use the dildo for external stimulation while you catch your breath
• Adjust to Mirror Sex positions where visual stimulation keeps the mood high
• Incorporate Sex Furniture like positioning wedges to reduce physical strain
• Let your partner take control with positions where they do the moving

Positions That Actually Work

Modified Missionary: The receiver lies on their back with hips elevated on a pillow. The wearer kneels between their legs. This gives great eye contact and easy access for additional stimulation. Plus, the receiver can control depth by raising or lowering their hips.

Spooning: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction. This is perfect for beginners – shallow penetration, lots of body contact, and minimal athletic requirements. Great for morning sex when you're still half-asleep but horny.

Receiver on Top: Let them control the pace and depth by straddling you. This works particularly well for first-time strap users since the receiver can take exactly what they want. Bonus: you get to watch them ride you, which is incredibly hot.

From Behind (Modified): Instead of traditional doggy style, try having the receiver rest their upper body on the bed while keeping hips elevated. This angle provides G-spot stimulation while being less intense than full doggy. As confidence builds, you can progress to more adventurous positions.

Making It Good for the Wearer

Just because you can't feel the dildo doesn't mean you can't feel pleasure! Try these strategies:

• Choose a harness with a pocket for a bullet vibrator
• Position the dildo base to press against your clit during thrusting
• Add a vibrating cock ring at the base of the dildo
• Take breaks to receive oral sex or manual stimulation
• Remember that psychological arousal counts too – watching your partner enjoy themselves can be incredibly hot

Solo Practice Makes Perfect

Don't underestimate the value of practicing alone! Many people enjoy solo strap-on play for:

• Building confidence with movements and positioning
• Exploring gender expression in private
• Practicing thrusting techniques with pillows or mounted toys
• Simply enjoying the feeling of wearing it

Try wearing your harness while doing household chores (under clothes, obviously) to get comfortable with the feeling and weight distribution.

Advanced Techniques to Explore

Once you've got the basics down, consider these upgrades:

• Double penetration: Use a double-ended dildo or add a butt plug for the receiver
• Temperature play: Warm or cool your dildo (safely!) for added sensation
• Roleplay scenarios: Incorporate strap-on play into BDSM for Beginners scenes
• Multiple orgasms: Since you won't orgasm from the dildo, you can keep going as long as your partner wants

Common Challenges

Let's get real about the not-so-sexy parts of strap-on play. Every new sexual adventure comes with learning curves, and acknowledging these upfront helps normalize the experience.

The Dildo Disconnect

The Challenge: Feeling like the dildo isn't really "part of you" can kill the mood. This is especially common for masculine-presenting women who worry about looking or feeling silly.

The Solution: Choose underwear-style harnesses in masculine colors (black, navy, dark green). Practice wearing it around the house to build comfort. Some people find that naming their strap-on helps create connection – yes, really! "Big Daddy" or "The Professor" might become your new best friend.

Technical Difficulties

The Challenge: The dildo keeps slipping out, the harness won't stay adjusted, or you're thrusting at the wrong angle entirely.

The Solution: First, check your harness fit – it should be tighter than you think. Use lube sparingly; too much makes everything slippery. Try different dildo positions in the harness; sometimes moving it up or down an inch makes all the difference. And remember: it's totally normal to need to stop and readjust. Porn edits out the fumbles; your sex life gets to include them (and the laughter that follows).

Performance Pressure

The Challenge: Worrying about "doing it right" or lasting long enough can create anxiety that kills arousal for everyone.

The Solution: Reframe the experience. You're not performing, you're exploring together. When fatigue hits, switch to grinding motions or use your hands while keeping the harness on. There's no rule saying strap-on sex has to be continuous penetration. Mix it up! Some of the hottest sessions involve lots of starting and stopping.

Physical Strain

The Challenge: Thrusting is actual exercise, and your abs, hips, and thighs might not be used to this workout. Cramps and fatigue can cut sessions short.

The Solution: Build up slowly, just like any exercise routine. Start with shorter sessions and gradually increase duration. Try different positions that use different muscle groups. Yoga and core strengthening exercises help immensely. And hey – there's no shame in switching to positions where your partner does more of the work!

Harness-Specific Troubleshooting

Jock-strap styles: Great for control but can chafe during extended play. Add a soft cloth between straps and skin if needed.

Underwear styles: Comfortable but may stretch out over time. Wash cold and air dry to maintain elasticity.

Two-strap designs: Most versatile but require more adjustment. Mark your perfect fit with a fabric marker for quick setup.

Emotional Complexity

The Challenge: Sometimes strap-on play brings up unexpected feelings – jealousy about the dildo, body image issues, or confusion about what this means for your identity.

The Solution: These feelings are valid and worth exploring. Talk to your partner, maybe see a sex-positive therapist, and remember that enjoying strap-on play doesn't "make you a man" or change your orientation. It's just one of many ways to experience pleasure and connection. Many people find that working through these feelings actually deepens their relationship and self-understanding.

Finding Your Community

One of the best parts of exploring strap-ons is discovering you're part of a huge, supportive community of enthusiasts. Here's where to find your people:

Online Communities

r/SexToys: This subreddit offers honest reviews, troubleshooting help, and recommendations from real users. The community is incredibly welcoming to beginners and doesn't tolerate kink-shaming.

r/actuallesbians: While not specifically toy-focused, this community frequently discusses strap-on experiences and provides peer advice. Perfect for feeling less alone in your journey.

r/BDSMcommunity: If you're interested in the power dynamics of strap-on play, this community offers guidance on safe, consensual exploration.

FetLife: Though it has a reputation for being intense, FetLife hosts numerous strap-on specific groups where you can ask questions, find local events, and connect with experienced folks.

In-Person Connections

Look for Sex-Positive Events in your area – many cities have strap-on workshops, often hosted by feminist sex toy stores. These classes cover everything from basic techniques to advanced positions, usually in a fun, low-pressure environment.

Lesbian/queer women's groups often host sex-positive meetups where strap-on experiences are discussed openly. Check your local LGBTQ center or search Meetup.com for queer women's social groups.

Don't overlook sex-positive retreats and festivals. Events like Burning Man's queer camps, women's music festivals, or dedicated sex-positive gatherings often include workshops and play parties where you can learn and explore in safe spaces.

Dating Apps and Connection

Her, Fem, and other queer dating apps allow you to be upfront about your interests. Many people include "strap-on friendly" or similar phrases in their profiles. Just remember to lead with respect and consent – these apps aren't for finding instant gratification but for connecting with like-minded folks.

OkCupid's extensive question system lets you match with people who share your openness to strap-on play. The questions about sexual preferences help filter for compatibility before you even message someone.

Common Challenges

Let's get real about the not-so-sexy parts of strap-on play. Every new sexual adventure comes with learning curves, and acknowledging these upfront helps normalize the experience.

The Dildo Disconnect

The Challenge: Feeling like the dildo isn't really "part of you" can kill the mood. This is especially common for masculine-presenting women who worry about looking or feeling silly.

The Solution: Choose underwear-style harnesses in masculine colors (black, navy, dark green). Practice wearing it around the house to build comfort. Some people find that naming their strap-on helps create connection – yes, really! "Big Daddy" or "The Professor" might become your new best friend.

Technical Difficulties

The Challenge: The dildo keeps slipping out, the harness won't stay adjusted, or you're thrusting at the wrong angle entirely.

The Solution: First, check your harness fit – it should be tighter than you think. Use lube sparingly; too much makes everything slippery. Try different dildo positions in the harness; sometimes moving it up or down an inch makes all the difference. And remember: it's totally normal to need to stop and readjust. Porn edits out the fumbles; your sex life gets to include them (and the laughter that follows).

Performance Pressure

The Challenge: Worrying about "doing it right" or lasting long enough can create anxiety that kills arousal for everyone.

The Solution: Reframe the experience. You're not performing, you're exploring together. When fatigue hits, switch to grinding motions or use your hands while keeping the harness on. There's no rule saying strap-on sex has to be continuous penetration. Mix it up! Some of the hottest sessions involve lots of starting and stopping.

Physical Strain

The Challenge: Thrusting is actual exercise, and your abs, hips, and thighs might not be used to this workout. Cramps and fatigue can cut sessions short.

The Solution: Build up slowly, just like any exercise routine. Start with shorter sessions and gradually increase duration. Try different positions that use different muscle groups. Yoga and core strengthening exercises help immensely. And hey – there's no shame in switching to positions where your partner does more of the work!

Emotional Complexity

The Challenge: Sometimes strap-on play brings up unexpected feelings – jealousy about the dildo, body image issues, or confusion about what this means for your identity.

The Solution: These feelings are valid and worth exploring. Talk to your partner, maybe see a sex-positive therapist, and remember that enjoying strap-on play doesn't "make you a man" or change your orientation. It's just one of many ways to experience pleasure and connection. Many people find that working through these feelings actually deepens their relationship and self-understanding.

Related Adventures

Strap-on play opens doors to numerous other explorations. Here are some natural progressions to consider:

If power dynamics excited you, explore Understanding Femdom more deeply. Many people find that strap-on play naturally leads to wanting to explore dominance and submission in other ways. You might enjoy learning about Orgasm Control or BDSM for Beginners to expand your repertoire.

For those who loved the gender-bending aspects, consider Gender Play scenarios or Packing (wearing a prosthetic daily for gender expression). Some people discover that strap-ons help them understand trans or non-binary aspects of their identity.

The technical skills you developed – communication, reading your partner's responses, coordinating movements – transfer beautifully to other activities. Try Fisting for intense G-spot stimulation, or explore Double Dildo play for mutual penetration experiences.

If you enjoyed the visual aspects, you might love Mirror Sex or recording your sessions for private viewing later. Just ensure enthusiastic consent and secure storage!

Couples who bonded over choosing equipment together often enjoy exploring other Sex Toys for Couples. From vibrators to Sex Furniture, there's a whole world of enhancements waiting.

For the athletically inclined, your new core strength and hip mobility make Standing Sex Positions much more achievable. You might also enjoy Sex in Public Places (safely and legally!) with your newfound confidence.

Those who processed emotional breakthroughs during their strap-on journey might be ready for Tantric Sex practices, which combine physical pleasure with emotional and spiritual connection.

Remember, this is just the beginning. Strap-ons aren't a destination – they're a vehicle for exploration, connection, and pleasure. Whether you use them daily or keep them for special occasions, whether you prefer realistic designs or abstract art pieces, whether you're giving, receiving, or both, you're part of a proud tradition of humans expanding their sexual possibilities.

The most important thing? Keep communicating, keep exploring, and keep laughing at the inevitable awkward moments. Because those giggles and fumbles and "oops, let me try that again" moments? That's where the real intimacy happens. That's where you build the kind of connection that makes sex – strap-on or otherwise – truly mind-blowing.

So go forth and strap up. Your adventure is just beginning.